It’s okay if you don’t. I might have gone a few days without thinking about you, too.
Life has been heavy lately. It hasn’t been all bad—I remember that God is good and faithful. I remember that His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts (Isaiah 55:8).
To be perfectly honest, the last 11 months have felt heavy. It began when a good friend of ours, who was married with four very young children, drowned in an accident on an area lake. It was tragic and it shook us to the core. We were overcome with grief and the inability to be all that we wanted to be for our friend who had become a 27-year-old widow.
God has been faithful through that tragedy. Through the grief and the wondering, I’ve often just had to accept that I cannot see the full picture and I cannot understand God’s ways. I had to read the Word over and over again and remind my heart that GOD IS GOOD.
Through this last year I have struggled to balance the desire to be there for my friend and her four young children. (Praise the Lord that her church family operated as the body of Christ in ways I have never seen….mowing her yard, providing meals twice a week for this whole time, babysitting on occasion. They have selflessly been there as a body and as a family in ways that I truly admire.) In these last couple of months, I have felt stretched beyond my limit—not by her, but by all of the other demands and expectations and relationships in my life in addition to my commitment to her and her children. It all became too much. And again I struggled, wondering how I was to do all of this and had to wonder if God knew that I wasn’t, well, God. I had to trust that He had a plan. And that HE is GOD and He is GOOD.
God has been faithful once again. He has brought someone new into her life. A great guy that my husband and I have known and appreciated for several years. Suddenly she feels joy again (Hallelujah! No one could have imagined seeing joy on her face again when she lost her husband. God IS good!). Suddenly she has a helpmate again. Suddenly I have to go weeks without a chance to even talk to her because her time is filled….okay, as much as I don’t love going weeks without spending quality time with her, I love that she has something good to fill her time.
And through all the other tough things that we’ve watched in our community and family in the last couple of weeks, I have to remember that I will not always understand God’s ways. I will not understand why He allows the things that He allows. I will not understand why godly men are tragically taken from beautiful families, why strong and healthy men and women are attacked by cancer, why so, so many people hurt.
In Isaiah 55, the Lord says that as the rain and snow come down from heaven and do not return to it without watering the earth, “so is my word that goes out from my mouth; It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”
I often cannot understand for God’s ways are higher than my own. But He has promised that His will shall be accomplished. And so I trust.