Thank goodness I lead a high school girls Bible Study. Because even if they don’t learn anything from the study, I always learn something good. Ha, ha…..
Tonight we were talking about forgiveness. We had opportunities to journal about people who have hurt us and whether or not we have hung on to the hurt or let it go. I always try so hard to let it go, but ultimately I hang on and keep feeling the pain for a long time. I’m not particularly vengeful nor am I much of a grudge-keeper, but I am a perfect example of how unforgiveness only hurts the person who chooses not to forgive. Like I said, I just let The Thing hurt me over and over again. Seeing The Perpetrator can rise up hurt feelings in me all over again EVERY SINGLE TIME. *Ugh* I feel so weak and faithless when I am unable to move past The Thing. Or when a small little New Thing takes on monstrous proportions because I never got past the Old Thing.
Tonight’s study reminded me to take time to pray for the person who had hurt me. Now I assume that means to pray good things for the person we are trying to forgive. (Hey, don’t tell me that you have never prayed things like, “Convict them Lord” or “Don’t let them hurt others” or on a bad day, “Discipline them, Lord!”) Maybe I’m the only dirtball out there, but sometimes it is honestly really hard for me to pray blessing for those who have hurt me. And the longer I allow myself to not pray in this way for them, the harder it is to start up after time has passed.
Hard as it is, let it begin tonight.